Monday, December 31, 2007

The Results Are In

So, the scores are in. I did not win this week’s experiment as many had thought I would. However, I did enjoy it – I spent most of Sunday asking people around me if they knew the scores and I kept doing little victory dances everytime one of my picks were right. Below you will find two reports/analyses of the week – one from Jeremy, who is happy he is still considered smarter than me in something, and the other from Jake, who is an unbiased outside contributor.

Jacob's Report
New England at NY Giants – This was an obvious pick, even for Jordan.

Seattle at Atlanta – Unfortunately, this was a loss for Jordan. I think we are all as surprised as she was about this loss. Her impeccable logic on this pick was usurped by Chris Redman… Don't worry Jordan, we are all at a loss…

New Orleans at Chicago – Jordan's reasoning failed her on this pick. It is obvious that Bragman is nowhere near "a Saint". In fact, this just in, Saints everywhere are insulted by Jordan's comments.

San Franscico at Cleveland – Jordan's "feeling bad for the guys at the San Fran Zoo" was inexcusable logic. Anybody dumb enough to try and save people from a tiger mauling doesn't deserve to have their local NFL team win.

Detroit at Green Bay – This was another correct choice by Jordan. Brett Farve was on her side today.

Cincinnati at Miami – Similar to the New England pick, this one was too obvious, even for Jordan.

Buffalo at Philadelphia – Actually, I liked Jordan's "food" logic on this pick. The game itself was basically a toss up anyway, so going to something she knows better than football, in this case food, for logic was a great choice.

Carolina at Tampa Bay – Jordan, FYI, the team from Carolina is known as the Panthers. They are the only NFL team for which I own a jersey. I expected you to know that and am thoroughly disappointed in this pick.

Jacksonville at Houston – Like the rest of us, Jordan had no idea on this game. Being another toss up, despite Jacksonville's recent streak, Jordan came out on top with a pick of Houston.

Dallas at Washington – This was unfortunate for Jordan. I would have picked Dallas on a normal week, as she did, however this was the last week of the season. Sparing you the details, Dallas was setup for a loss from the get go. Although I do agree with Jordan, Tony Romo needs to dump "JSimp", he can do much better.

Pittsburgh at Baltimore – I don't know who Daniel Sherman is, however I, like Jeremy, hope his middle name isn't Marie. In other news, Jordan went against the odds and correctly picked Baltimore in this one.

St. Louis at Arizona – At this point I am seriously considering having Jordan make my playoff picks. Arizona blew out St. Louis, and blew away her readers by actually picking this game correctly.

Kansas City at NY Jets – Jordan gave no logic for this pick, so I will make no commentary, other than good choice.

San Diego at Oakland – Why Jordan went with NorCal over SoCal in this one is anybody's guess. With the best running back in the league playing for San Diego, and Oakland being the perennial disappointment that they are, we are all left scratching our heads.

Minnesota at Denver – Jordan avoids common sense (as usual) and takes Denver. Much to our surprise, Denver ends Minnesota's playoff chances and makes Jordan look like a genius. Hopefully the success from this pick won't go to her head.

Tennessee at Indianapolis – In the most stunning move of the entire list of picks, Jordan took Indy, instead of my semi-local Titans. This wasn't the stunning part mind you. What was most upsetting was Jordan's admission that she finds Peyton Manning attractive. Unfortunately, the giant walking penis shaped head known as Peyton Manning only played a few snaps, and the marginally better looking back up Jim Sorgi was unable to lead the Colts offense past the menacing Titans defense.

All in all, Jordan picked a rather amazing 9 games correctly (out of 16). Unfortunately for Jordan, the King of "The League of the Dorks" Jeremy picked 11 games correctly. It was overall a valiant showing for Jordan. Personally, I am proud of her, and with a little Tivoing of SportsCenter (it's only an hour and if you Tivo it you can skip through the boring parts and commercials…) I feel confident that she could easily out pick the King, or any other member of "The League of Dorks".

Jeremy's Report

Shockingly, I was victorious over Jordan this week. I was sure I’d get publicly embarrassed, but I guess it turned out OK with me out-picking Jordan 11 games to 9. The way to really test my hypothesis is if we chose with the lines, but I have little faith that Jordan would have the patience to learn how that works. As it stands now, I am able to make obvious picks like Cleveland over San Francisco since I know the 49ers blow. In theory, if we are picking who beats the spread rather than simply who wins, there should be a 50-50 shot. This is what I credit my win to, not knowledge of any sort. Anyhow, lets talk about the week.

New England vs. New York - I give myself extra kudos on this one. Obviously picking the Pats was the easy part, but as I noted prior to the game, the Giants could technically have the formula to keep the game close. That pass rush and Brandon Jacobs almost did it.

Chicago vs. New Orleans - Another correct pick. I love how Chicago waited until the last 2 weeks of the season to decide that Devin Hester is their best player and he should get the ball as often as possible.

San Francisco vs. Cleveland -This one I mentioned before. This went as expected, even though I was expecting the Browns to win by a bigger margin. Lets all hope that was the last we see of Chris Weinke.

Detroit vs. Green Bay - Once again, extra props to me. I say that Detroit’s problem was Martz, and the next day they announce he will be fired. I guess that wasn’t going out on a huge limb, but it’s nice. I’m glad Favre could come through for Greene and Bailey.

Cincinnati vs. Miami - For the first half I looked like a genius. If I had gotten this one right I really would have been impressed.

Buffalo vs. Philadelphia - Jordan and I both picked this one right, though I resent that picking against buffalo wings led to good things.

Carolina vs. Tampa Bay - I got this right and I declare Matt Moore to officially be an average quarterback. Congratulations Matt. I don’t understand why the Bailey logic didn’t apply here.

Seattle vs. Atlanta - As I said previously, I badly wanted to pick Atlanta but I didn’t have the balls. I wasn’t as shocked about this as some people were. Atlanta had absolutely nothing to lose.

Jacksonville vs. Houston - I do not hold myself at all responsible for making the wrong pick here. Jack Del Rio literally held out every player worth a shit. I hope that doesn’t hurt them in any way because I really enjoy watching the Jags play and am raring to go for picking them in the playoffs.

Dallas vs. Washington - I picked this correctly and I am having major concerns on how the Cowboys look heading into the playoffs. I could unleash pages of pages of Cowboys commentary here but I would certainly be talking to myself. Instead of logical commentary, I will veer off into a side story.

Prior to the season, I made a bet with Sean that the Cowboys would have a better record than the Saints. The wager was a jersey of the winning team for the winning fan. Obviously, the Cowboys have a better record than the Saints. Thus, two weeks ago Sean was a man (don’t act so shocked) and held to his end of the bargain and I got a brand new DeMarcus Ware jersey in the mail. I wear jerseys for pretty much any sporting event, even if I’m just on my couch. Through the first 14 games of the season I wore my Tony Romo jersey that was graciously given by Jordan and everything went well. This was a big leap for me to put it on when the season began because I was wearing it during a Certain Playoff Game With a Certain Botched Snap that we will not discuss. Anyway, I get the Ware jersey, have worn it the last 2 weeks and the Cowboys could not have looked worse. In two weeks the Cowboys have a playoff game. Do I wear the Ware jersey and hope it has been a fluke 2 weeks or do I wear the jersey that I was wearing during the last unspeakable Cowboys playoff game? Did the first 14 games excise the demons of last year’s playoffs? I will be agonizing over this decision for the next two weeks. Seriously. Any thoughts or spiritual guidance during that time would be appreciated.

Baltimore vs. Pittsburgh - I’m so happy about this pick I threw myself a parade. I feel jubilant.

St. Louis vs. Arizona - As I said, I have irrational faith in the Rams. What I should have remembered was that every year there is a late season Cardinals game that gets every dope in Arizona artificially excited for the next year. Now every idiot in Scottsdale with frosted tips is gonna be walking around thinking next year is going to finally be the year because the Cards put a hurting on the Rams in week 17. Meanwhile, Kurt Warner’s wife still looks like his mom. Kurt Warner is a professional football quarterback for Christ’s sake…and he was a Super Bowl MVP! This really bothers me.

Kansas City vs. New York Jets - My bulletproof logic came through. A team that definitely sucks will lose to teams that may or may not suck.

San Diego vs. Oakland - Another shining example of why we should be picking who beats the spread and not who will simply win the game. I feel like I cheated by picking this correctly while Jordan didn’t know any better than to pick the terrible Raiders. Oh well.

Minnesota vs. Denver - I’m really upset that Minnesota isn’t going to the playoffs, but not because I picked them to win this game. As I mentioned, I’ve been following Tarvaris Jackson closely, and the prospect of getting to bet against him on the road in the playoffs would have made me a very rich man. In their place, I’m looking at a suddenly and inexplicably competent Todd Collins and the Skins going against Tampa in a game that I’m having a difficult time making heads or tails of. Really just a terrible turn of events.

Tennessee vs. Indianapolis - Even though I picked this correctly, I couldn’t feel worse about the Titans going into the playoffs as a Vince Young fan and thus a pseudo Titans fan. I don’t trust Kerry Collins to find his way from the locker room to the field, much less win a road playoff game. Even with Young, it’s not like he was lighting it up prior. This whole “Vince Young just wins football games” business might not have legs.

So that’s the week. Jordan claims that she enjoyed doing this so it looks like there is a chance you’ll see my playoff picks as well. I feel pretty good about the playoff picks, so hopefully I don’t humiliate myself in a public forum. I know there are quite a few readers of this blog who would deeply enjoy my humiliation. Fortunately for me, those people probably scroll through football discussions and wouldn’t even realize that it is happening.
See you next week for Week 18! Or maybe its playoffs. I don't know.
Mini Sports Gal

1 comment:

Samuels said...

BREAKING NEWS: Jacob has inked a deal with Jordan Silverman and the "Don't Fuck with Fabulous" blog. He will be brought in on a semi regular basis when a genius male opinion is needed. In addition to his opinion pieces, Jacob will be in charge of gauging interest in the new "I fuck with fabulous!" tshirt/thong line of clothing. If you are interested please email him at or leave word on the comments section of this blog.

Kudos to Jeremy for winning, even though he and I both know that if not for the San Diego/Oakland game and the Cleveland/San Fransisco game, this would have been alot closer than he would have preferred.