So lately I have been spending a great deal of time on ESPN.com. I know, that is very strange and unusual that I, a girl who considers the highlight of Major League Baseball games to be the garlic fries served at Dodger Stadium, would be on the biggest sports website in the world. I will explain why.
Jeremy has introduced me to his favorite sports writer, Bill Simmons. I like to read Bill Simmons for two reasons: number one, he is funny and sounds exactly like Jeremy when Jeremy is being particularly smart (unusual), and number two, Bill Simmons has a wife who is really funny and exasperated with sports and comes up with hilarious names for her husband (like she calls his fantasy football team the “League of Dorks”, I am SO stealing that!). She is known as the Sports Gal.
Something else the Sports Gal does is she makes picks for the games – who she thinks is going to win and why. I think I would be good at that too. I am smart. So, without further ado, here are my picks for this week. If you are my father, stop choking on your Pellegrino and pay attention.
New England at NY Giants – I choose New England because they are very good. I think they will win.
Seattle at Atlanta – I do not know anything about these two teams except that Michael Vick used to play for Atlanta. So, I pick Seattle, because I am against dogfighting and bad men.
New Orleans at Chicago – Bragman is a Saint, so I will choose New Orleans in honor of her.
*Note: I have just realized Sean Udin is a Saint also, which makes my decision difficult. Nonetheless, I will stick with the Saints.
San Franscico at Cleveland – I do not know anything about these teams either, but I feel bad for the guys who got attacked at the San Francisco Zoo by that mean tiger, so I will choose San Fran in their honor.
Detroit at Green Bay – I choose Green Bay in honor of my friend Greene and my sister Bay.
Cincinnati at Miami – I know enough about football to know that the Dolphins fucking suck. I definitely choose Cincinnati.
Buffalo at Philadelphia – this tossup will have to come down to food. so, i will choose between buffalo wings and cheesesteak. I like cheesesteak better so Philadelphia it is.
Carolina at Tampa Bay – I like the word “Buccaneers” so I will choose Tampa Bay. I do not even know what Carolina’s team is called.
Jacksonville at Houston – I have no freaking idea. I will say Houston because all my friends are from there.
Dallas at Washington – Believe me, I know the rules: Cowboys are the best above the rest. I pick them 100%. Note to Tony Romo: do not fuck this up. Dump JSimp ASAP if you have to otherwise your teammates are gonna kick your ass in the locker room.
Pittsburgh at Baltimore – again, no clue. I will say Baltimore, just because Daniel Marie Sherman is from Maryland and he’s pretty cool.
St. Louis at Arizona – I choose Arizona. Bear down. (I know this is the NFL. I’m not that stupid. I just wanted to say it.)
Kansas City at NY Jets – I’ll go with Jets. Vroooom.
San Diego at Oakland – I think I will say Oakland. Either way I am okay with the winner because they are both from California.
Minnesota at Denver – I say Denver, because I am visiting in 3 weeks and I want everyone in town to be happy.
Tennessee at Indianapolis – Colts, because Peyton Manning is kind of cute. Sorry Jake.
So there are my picks. On Sunday, Jeremy will write a short report talking about how well I did and I will post it here so you all can see whether or not my predictions rocked. I have a feeling they will.
Greene comes in an hour! I am off!