Thursday, January 10, 2008

I Will Fuck With Fabulous, and You Should Too

So this is how it goes. As I'm sure I've mentioned, I LOVE TO BLOG. However, some days my schedule does not permit it, or I am just not in the mood to share my tidbits of wisdom with you, dear reader, much as I adore you. So in those cases, I have enlisted the help of two of the smartest mens I know, one Mr. Jacob C. Samuels and one Mr. Jeremy D. Mandel. Jacob will be following a regular format (which I'll get to next post), but Jeremy has decided he does not want to be restricted and wants the freedom to write whatever he wants. I, however, recognize the danger of Jeremy writing whatever he wants on something public belonging to me, so I have put a few small restrictions on him. I'll let him tell the rest.

Jordan has asked that I submit the occasional guest column for her blog. Thus, every now and then you’ll be getting to hear my random thoughts on whatever the hell I’m doing. I’ve been warned that Jordan’s audience doesn’t exactly look forward to my feelings on the NFL playoffs (I’m looking at you BRAGMAN), though I am getting more and more concerned that the actions of my team’s quarterback can be acceptable fodder for forums such as this. Therefore I will steer clear of football discussion. Jordan has also told me that I am not allowed to expound upon things we fight about. That makes this laundry list off limits:

Religion – Though Jordan may try and tell you otherwise, I am Jewish. Our opinion of nearly every facet of what that entails, however, is a hot button issue. I would show examples of this, but I am fairly certain I’d be edited to save Jordan potential embarrassment from prominent members of the Los Angeles Jewish Community.

Politics – Though Jordan may try and tell you otherwise, I am not strictly a Republican. Unlike the last election, I am making my candidate of choice a public declaration. (If you’re curious, I am building a man crush on John McCain. If you’d like to go into reasons for this, I’d be more than happy to discuss it. Unfortunately, not on this blog.) Jordan and I frequently argue about politics, though the argument is somewhat hindered by the fact that I’m a political science major with a strong interest in history whereas she is a creative writing major with a strong interest in Project Runway. From that information alone I’m sure you can gather why she doesn’t like to talk about this.

Guns – I could have just included this within politics, but it’s been an important issue for me. I have recently gone skeet shooting a few times and absolutely fell in love with shooting, so I’m in the market for a shotgun. I could write quite a bit on the research I’ve done on pump action vs. automatic guns, but it will be forbidden as well. If you have feelings or knowledge about the merits of pump action or automatic shotguns in skeet or 5 point settings, though, I’d love to hear.

Gender relations – Specifically, I will not be discussing anytime that Jacob or myself come into contact with any female in any situation. If either of us buy a pack of gum from a female gas station attendant, don’t be around Miss Silverman when she finds out about it.

This Blog – Apparently, every time I say anything about this blog, Jordan thinks I am mocking her. While this is sometimes true, it is not always true. To avoid any perceived condescension on my part, I’ll just be avoiding the topic altogether with the exception of later in this entry.

I’m absolutely certain that I’m missing things here, as I am absolutely certain that I will breach topics that Jordan deems unsuitable or potentially embarrassing for her. The aforementioned list is only a start. With any luck, we’ll be adding to that.

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I tend to drone on a bit. I can’t really help it. As a political science major, I didn’t take many courses that didn’t require something crazy like a 20 page paper, and now that it’s over you pay for it. I’ll try to separate paragraphs, so if the first sentence of a paragraph doesn’t interest you, I’d say you should just skip it.

The only thing I’d like to discuss before ending this is an organization that Jacob and I are beginning called “I Fuck With Fabulous.” This will be a society of individuals dedicated to doing exactly what the title of this blog suggests we should not. Perhaps most importantly, we have designed shirts. If you would be interested in becoming a member of the IFWF family, comment on this and we will work out the logistics of inducting you and proliferating these very good looking shirts that are available in 30 colors.

That’s it for my first non football entry. Now back to discussions of reality television, things that are pink, and poetry suggesting a female deity of some sort.

1 comment:

bailey said...

jeremy, i'm in. i'd like a green colored shirt if possible?