The Bailey Janna Birthday Weekend in Vegas

So, the Foumart is 21. Insane. We celebrated not by throwing her a date dash (sorry, I’m just WAY cooler than she is) but by a random drunken bar night (see previous post) and a trip to Vegas, where we arrived approximately 2 minutes after they had put out the Monte Carlo fire. Unfortunately I do not have photos of that but rest assured the air smelled like burnt poker chips.

Friday night we went to Tao for dinner. We had never been there before and it was very nice – great service and pretty good food. I got lobster wontons and would get them again in a second. Daddy was complaining because the portions are huge – I mean what? Isn’t that a good thing? Before we walked in to dinner, we posed for a photo in front of the Tao backdrop, and all these random paparazzi started taking our photos! It was funny but I was like, um, we are no one. Go away.

Bailey and I stayed at Tao after the parentals left and drank and danced a little bit. I taught her my favorite game to play at clubs in Vegas: look for the Old Fucks. She enjoyed that, and also loved the bathrooms at Tao (they are clear until you lock them – better make sure your drunk ass locks them or everyone in the club is gonna see what you own!). We caused quite a scene when we left because I was wearing the MOST PAINFUL SIX INCH HEELS on earth, and immediately took them off and started banging them on the Venetian walls and chanting drunkenly all the way to our hotel room.

Saturday was devoted to shopping (after we deposited the father at the Sports Book) and we all had quite a good run at Neiman Marcus Last Call. I got a gorgeous hot pink Catherine Malandrino sweater that I do not plan on taking off, ever. Saturday night, we had dinner at the Palm, then, finally, went to see Beatles Love. I don’t know about all of you, but I had never seen a Cirque de Soleil show, and I was totally unprepared for it. You all know that I love Broadway, so I was prepared to love this performance, but it was just so unexpected and so completely un-Broadway that I was shocked. Literally, as soon as the curtains came down, my jaw dropped. It was the type of thing where I literally did not know where to look. I highly recommend it and will probably see it again, just to be able to look at the things I missed the first time!

Sunday involved a late wake up, packing up our bags, and lunch at the Grand Lux, where Daddy had a bit of an issue involving steamed broccoli. Next we traveled to Barneys, where Bailey bought ridiculously expensive jeans, and we had a large argument with a hugely bitchy and patronizing jewelry clerk. Ma’am, fuck you. Then Daddy took Bay and I to an empty blackjack table and gave each of us $100 to learn with. Good Daddy. The dealer was insanely patient, hilariously funny, fucking gorgeous, and a chubby Jew to boot. Adam, if by some miracle of God you happen upon this blog, know that I am in love with you and am waiting in Brentwood for you to propose. I will move to Vegas to be with you if I need to. Anyways, long story short, Daddy lost all his money, I left up $60, and the birthday girl was up $85. Yayyyy. Blackjack is fun.

Then we were off to the Vegas airport for what would be several of the most boring hours of my life. Apparently, there was some sort of rainy-day domino affect that made every single flight out of the airport about a bajillion hours late. My family waited 5 hours. During that time, I played brickbreaker til my battery went dead, read about sixteen magazines, talked to some randoms, threw popcorn at Bailey, ate at the BK Lounge, calculated the revenue the BK Lounge makes in a year, and cried a few times. Finally, after FOREVER, we got on the damn flight, which was so bumpy that Bailey cried, threatened to throw up, and broke the TSA safety rules in using her ipod during a non improved time. I told her she was a terrorist.

All in all it was a funner than usual trip to the Veg. Anastasia made more than a few appearances (you obviously don’t know me if you don’t get that) and the hotel was gorgeous, I highly recommend it. Now I know this is very random and off topic but before I go, please check out this fucking hilarious craigslist ad Jacob found. AMAZING! That guy needs his own blog. I'd read it.

I am off! Hope you all enjoyed hearing about the Foumart’s antics. Mothers, lock up your sons.