Monday, March 24, 2008

A Bachelorette Party Weekend for A.S.S.

Well, I started MY week off right, walking out the door and grabbing a can of Diet Coke to drink at my desk as I do literally every morning. Imagine my pleasant surprise when I got to work and realized I had taken a can of Budlight. There’s really nothing like a refreshing sip of yeasty beer foam when you’re expecting a delicious mouthful of DC.

A quick update on my bracket: as of this morning around 11:30 AM, I am in first place in my Facebook group with a score of 161 out of a possible 192. I literally have no idea what that means but I wanted to share that information so that I can brag about it. I hope I win so I can remind Jeremy about this for the next, oh, twelve or so years.

I also stand by my decision to select the Youngstown State Penguins as my most Despised Team on Facebook. The Penguins THE new team – they are rapidly gaining notoriety and I personally will not be surprised if they win the entire NCAA tournament next year. PENG DOWN everyone.

Anyways, I’ll stop effing around and get down to business. Anna’s bachelorette party was this weekend and let me tell you, it was a roaring success!

Everyone got in at various times on Friday – after I got out of work at 3:30, I stopped at Sprinkles Cupcakes for 16 delicious treats and hauled the loot over to Culver City, where I greeted all my pals and some of Anna’s camp friends. After collecting Greene and Julie (who, along with Stacy, all stayed at my apartment and will henceforth be known as “my bitches”) we headed to Brentwood, got ready, then trekked BACK to Culver City. All in rush hour on a Friday. Good times, let me tell you. Anyways, we spent Friday night in at Anna’s house, eating delicious Tender Greens catering, drinking wine, taking photos, and playing bachelorette party games that revealed a great deal of embarrassing information about Anna’s life prior to meeting Big E.

Saturday morning we woke up BRIGHT AND EARLY and headed off to The Lounge Spa for some major pamperage. Everyone changed into sexy white waffle robes and squeaky slippers and looked insanely hot, obviously. I got a massage which was fairly good, but left me with some lingering back pain. I don’t know why I insist on getting massages – I HATE BEING TOUCHED. The spa was super cute and had all these personal touches, my favorite being the little crown/veil combo they gave Anna to wear. Note to my bitches and others who will be at my bachelorette party in the future: I want one of those to wear the whole weekend.

Oh for gods sake, who am I kidding? I want one to wear from the moment the engagement ring is on my finger.

Anyways, after the spa, we drove over to Third Street Promenade. Though I warned the guests about the dangers of the Santa Monica Beach, everyone refused to listen, preferring to risk stepping on crack needles in their quest to lay out and get tan. Greene and I (the sensible ones) spent a great deal of time in the brand new Forever 21, which is FANTASTIC, and then strolled around with Mimi before collecting the group of slightly tan non-crack addicts from the beach. After that, I took my bitches to In-n-Out, where we feasted on delicious cheeseburgers and I hogged all the spread.

On to Saturday night! We got picked up at my apartment by a HUGELY GINORMOUS Escalade limo (thank you Earle Schwarz), and we piled in and started drinking and blowing on party horns. Joy put a hat with sparkly penises on Anna’s head and we were off! First, Anna’s mom Patricia treated us all to dinner at Lola’s in Hollywood, which was delish (thank you Patricia!). Half the table ordered pizza for an appetizer, which resulted in the Major Pizza Surplus of 2008 (no worries, we consumed it at 2AM in the limo on the way home). Lola’s is famous for their martinis, and everyone was drinking interesting and delicious sounding martinis with the exception of Joy, who chose to order the Laker Martini with grape juice and was rewarded with a glass of Dimetapp. Better luck next time Joy. I myself had a delicious Pumpkin Martini which tasted like Thanksgiving.

After Lola’s the limo took us to Saddle Ranch, where Anna surprised none of us by refusing to get on the mechanical bull. Luckily, Julie has balls whereas the rest of us don’t, and she and Mimi took one for the team and rode the bull! It was awesome and photos will be up on FB shortly for those of you who were interested. After Saddle Ranch, our next stop was Busby’s on Wilshire.

Now let me say this about Busbys: it sucks now. Used to be totally fun and packed and crowded, now it is empty and the only people who go there are totally ghetto and weird. But we wanted to dance, and they have a huge dance floor – perfect for our purposes. Unfortunately, we did not take into consideration the fact that creepy ugly boys are drawn to bachelorette parties like moths to the flame, so virtually ALL our dancing was being constantly interrupted by a sorry looking parade of losers, including a tiny little boy (about 5 feet tall), his Spencer Pratt looking friend, and this ridiculously obese sweaty FREAK who clearly thought he was Janet Jackson. Upon realizing those three knew each other, I firmly told the tiny one, “STAY AWAY,” but this did not work as planned.

Once I had verbally addressed him, he latched on to me and FOLLOWED ME AROUND THE ENTIRE DANCE FLOOR FOR THE NEXT HALF HOUR, SINGING EVERY SINGLE WORD TO EVERY SINGLE SONG and trying to find out my personal information. My friends thought this was very funny and Julie pointed out that this is what she feels like every day, staring down at short boys. I was not amused. Even the surprise appearance by special guest star David Phillips was not enough to put a smile on my face, because EVEN AS I HUGGED HIM, the tiny freak remained faithfully by my side. Ugh. I finally got rid of him when we left and the limo delivered us safely home where we all passed out.

Sunday was sad with all the goodbyes :( but all in all it was a fabulous weekend and I believe Miss ASS (Anna Schwarz Shabtay – HAHAHAHA) had a great time with all her best pals. Now we all know each other and can’t wait to see each other at the wedding, which is SO SOON! AHHH I need to go buy a new fabulous dress!

One quick bit of business before I wrap this up: SARA LEIB, PLEASE CALL/EMAIL ME. You have my contact information and I do not have yours. I know you read this blog regularly because you comment on it all the time (which I LOVE) so please contact me when you see this. THANK YOU!

No comments: