Tuesday, June 24, 2008

A Tale of Rabbis, Las Vegas, and Potential Salmonella

So I spent the weekend in Vegas, with Julie, Greene, Liz and Varadi, and it was super fun. Along with the usual eating, gambling, shopping (I bought a new hot pink wallet and a SICK black cashmere sweater at Barneys, among other things), we also drank and danced QUITE a bit. Varadi had a hookup that got us VIP into Tryst (in the Wynn) and Tao (at the Venetian), so we cut every line and didn’t pay cover once. I also left with more than $200 of winnings, which, compared to my usual haul of ZERO POINT ZERO, is pretty freaking awesome.

What was not freaking awesome was the weather in Vegas, which I estimate to have been a breezy 158 degrees. Greene described it best – “I feel like wherever I go, there is a heater DIRECTLY ON ME.” We also met quite a few interesting chaps (I say chaps because they were indeed British and many an interesting snog was had by some… or most…) as well as two hilarious creatures named Matt and CJ who taught us THE BEST GAME. I can’t explain it online because it’s too complicated but the next time you see me, just ask and I’ll totally bust it out. It is almost as good as Lightening Round. See! You’re excited already.

Viva Las Vegas, ya’ll. I can’t wait to go back.

Yesterday was Mommy’s UN-stallation as president of Adat Ari El. Everyone was sad and making speeches about what a wonderful president she was, to which I say, too bad, so sad, you had her for two years, now she’s back to being mine and being available for lots more cuddles and sushi dinners. I continued my three-year long tradition of wearing a blue dress, if you’re interested, and Bailey dazzled the Adat crowd by appearing in what I think was a black tie gown to the floor. That one – either overdressing to the max or wearing jeans to four-star restaurants, I swear.

We were seated at table numero uno along with my BEST PAL Rabbi Moshe J. Rothblum, who I sweetly interrogated over dinner. This is what I learned: his favorite color is blue, he is lactose intolerant, he does not watch reality television, and he hates to fly. I adore him. Over dinner I also came up with the idea that I will host a small dinner party at my apartment for all my mom’s friends. I have lived there for almost a year and none of them have seen my place yet, so this way they will come and potentially even bring me presents. The ONLY caveat is this: I will have to provide food for everyone. And we all know I do not know how to cook. I hear a shrimp cocktail platter at Costco calling my name… (and YES, I did just mention shrimp in the same paragraph as the Rabbi.)

One more example of how I know the readers of this blog are insane and/or middle aged: at the Un-stallation, Bailey had a bit of a “situation”, and I was forced to go around asking all of my mom’s friends for a tampon. Every time we asked someone for one, they laughed in our faces. “No. Definitely not.” (Defer what you will from that). Fast forward forty five minutes – Bailey and I are enjoying our meal when one of my favorite ladies (who shall remain nameless – let’s call her… Lisa Marie) ran up and crouched next to me.

“Jordan,” said Lisa Marie. “When you asked me for a tampon, and I said I didn’t have one… I USUALLY do, I promise! Please don’t put this on your blog!”

Bailey hadn’t believed me about my devoted fan club of my mother’s friends, but this convinced her I had been serious. Ha.

Speaking of Bailey, while I’d love to stay and chat longer, unfortunately, I need to go call home and check to make sure she’s still alive. She started barfing at 10pm last night and basically hasn’t stopped. My mom thinks it’s a stomach bug, but I, being the brilliant scholar I am, pointed out that Brainiac Bailey ate a tomato salad for lunch yesterday. So it is potentially salmonella, which would SUCK, but also be HILARIOUS.

I’ll keep you posted. I’m laughing just thinking about it.

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